Watching TV in Greece

Faced with a limited choice of English language programming it is amazing how quickly the threshold of quality one can accept drops. Let's just say that whilst the UK is enjoying the new series of Doctor Who, I've been caught over here secretly enjoying re-runs of "Hart to Hart".

We've also got a regular fixture at 9pm weekday evenings with re-runs of "Who's The Boss?". It was re-made in the UK as "The Upper Hand", with Honor Blackman as the mother, and one of the McGann brothers as the live-in home help with the on/off romantic tangle with the daughter. The US version has Katherine Helmond who played Jessica in "Soap" as almost exactly the same character she played in Soap, and Tony Danza who used to be in Taxi as, well, basically the same character he played in Taxi.

Alyssa Milano also features, as Tony's daughter, although I think it will be another four seasons (4 times 26 episodes being shown 5 times a week equals 21 weeks or around September over here) before it will OK to observe that "She's quite pretty, isn't she?" without getting arrested.

"Smallville" and "Monk" are still I think the only things we watch here that we would have also watched in the UK. Which is kind of ironic in the case of "Monk", because back in the UK any chance of it being a success has been ruined by some ridiculous scheduling from the BBC, who don't seem to know what to do with it. (Hint: put it in a regular 9pm slot on BBC Two and then actually advertise it)

Saturday and Sunday afternoons are the best time for English language shows - and by best time I mean that there are a few of them on, not that they are actually any good. "Friends" is the highlight, although irritatingly they are currently at the same point in the last series where they were in Italy when we were there - which means that a) it is going to end soon, and b) we've only just recently seen the episodes anyway.

Claire watches "The O.C.". Over here has been retitled "California Teens", which sounds more like a website than a television programme if you ask me, and she also watches "Special Unit 2". This is a kind of sub-X-files government secret unit to deal with supernatural threats programme that I cannot believe got commissioned let alone made. Let's just hope "Torchwood" is better, eh?

The absolute pits of our viewing though is "Seventh Heaven". (And remember, I've already mentioned "Hart to Hart" in this entry). "Seventh Heaven" is a family drama about a very religious American family. Currently the major plotline is that they have sent their eldest teenage son (who I think may technically be adopted) to counselling because he had sex with his teenage girlfriend. Or possibly because he wanted to have sex with his teenage girlfriend, I think we missed the episode where they may or may not have "done it" against God's will. The sub-plot is that their fifteen year-old daughter is just starting to want to 'date', but her parents have said no, but if they get to know "Harry" better then maybe they will be allowed to. So she invited him to go to church with her on Sunday. And he said "Sure, I'd love to". As you would...

It isn't just bad because the plotting is one long sanctimonious lecture on how American Christians should live their lives. The dialogue is so stilted. It is like someone writing a formal guide to Christian family life, and then putting those long paragraphs of religious instruction into the character's mouths.

And we are watching it because at least we can follow the story!!!! I think we were better off making up our own stories to Mi Gorda Bella.

Mind you, it does fulfil one other higher purpose. I've said to Claire that with my interest in the ancient documents that make up the Bible, and my fascination with historical church politics and church architecture, I was always worried that one day I might wake up and declare that I've become religious again. Claire assures me that if I keep on watching "Seventh Heaven" it will annoy me enough that I'll never, ever, ever, be tempted to turn to the dark side again.